


The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference

by calie15



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2014-05-24
Packaged: 2018-01-26 09:27:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1683383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calie15/pseuds/calie15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jemma doesn’t like him, she doesn’t trust him, she doesn’t want to even be near him. There is no questions about it. Jemma hates Bucky Barnes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference

Jemma didn’t like Bucky Barnes. There were to many reasons to list. The really issue was that she used to be a trusting person, one who would give anyone a chance. Then there was Ward.

So she didn’t like Bucky Barnes. She knew his story, knew the sad details of it, but she still didn’t like him. She hated his dark, empty stare, his long, brown hair that desperately needed a cut. She hated his scruffy face. Why couldn’t he try, she asked herself. Why not try to look something like the man that had garnered respect during World War II. Why insist on looking like the assassin that had terrorized innocent people for seventy years.

So Jemma hated him. That meant she despised the fact that he was a part of SHIELD now. Because if HYDRA had infiltrated SHIELD for decades, who was to say this former HYDRA assassin wasn’t working for them still?

Jemma understood, he was brainwashed. She was a scientist, she could accept the fact, but she was also a person who had been betrayed. So she didn’t trust him.

When he got assigned to their mission she’d stood in the corner with Fitz, both of them stewing in their own anger. They shared a like mind on the subject of Bucky Barnes, the former Winter Soldier. Neither of them wanted a thing to do with him, so they steered clear of him. It wasn’t a hard thing to do, because Bucky Barnes seemed to avoid contact with people like the plague.

When he had finally caught her eye one day she forced herself to meet his stare head on. Jemma had looked up innocently enough, forgetting exactly where he was standing, and when she did her eyes met his, and she couldn’t help but wonder if he had been looking at her before she had even looked up. Then he look away quickly, back to Agent Coulson.

Jemma hated that they had to trust him to have their back. She didn’t want the lives of her friends in his hands. She didn’t want her life in his hands.

Yet here they were, in the middle of a mission, bullets flying, and the only person near her with enough training to save her was Bucky Barnes. 

He grabbed her arm suddenly and she gasped at in shock, because he’d touched her and his grip was hard. When he yanked her down a hallway her mind hadn’t quiet caught up yet and no protest came to mind. Then he pulled her around a corner and pushed her into a wall. Jemma inhaled sharply as his body crushed hers, his right hand wrapped tightly around her ribs, and his left clutching a gun held in the air and much to close to her face. 

Her breath came in quick pants, partly because they had been running, but she couldn’t ignore the look in his face and be comfortable with it. It was intense, it frightened her. Jemma hated him, but she knew just then that part of that hate was a cover for her fear. As the Winter Solider he was a machine programmed to kill, and Jemma wasn’t okay with that. She couldn’t put her life in the hands of a killer, and just then he looked like a killer. He looked like the Winter Solider. Something close to panic made her push at his chest, but he was an unmovable wall. His strength was unnatural, she should known better.

His head lowered and she squeezed her eyes shut in response. He was too close, his chest flattened her breasts and she feared he might actually feel her heart pounding.

“I’m trying to save your life.”

No, no he wasn’t. She blinked quickly, feeling tears sting her eyes. Hadn’t Ward saved her life once? Then she laughed. When she did he raised his head and looked down on her. She wasn’t sure what she saw in his eyes then.

“You don’t believe me?” He asked, his voice even, giving away nothing.

“No.” Then he watched her, and she got the feeling that he might have been studying her. It made her nervous. You didn’t want a serial killer/assassin studying you, learning things about you, making decisions about you.

“Does that have to do with me or your former teammate?” He asked, his voice actually hinting at anger, his eyes narrowing slightly.

It was like a slap in the face. Who was this man to think he had the right? Maybe he had been a innocent man once, but he’d killed for HYDRA, she had no reason to trust him. She’d been betrayed by so many people during the fight with HYDRA, but the one who hurt the worst was Ward. “What reason do I have to trust you?” She asked harshly, angry at him for being in her face, for confronting her with the things that troubled her. “Or will you earn everyone’s trust then kill them?” Jemma swore he might have flinched, but then it was gone, and if she questioned whether he was angry before, she was sure he was now. 

“My style is more to the point. No tricks, straight for the kill. If I wanted to kill and your team you’d be dead already,” he snarled in her face, eyes cold and hateful.

And Jemma believed him. She even believed that he might kill her then. She knew better then to poke the bear. Fear curled in her belly, squeezed her chest, and her that jaw that had been clenched in anger only moments again loosened and she released a shaky breathy then inhaled again. The anger on his face disappeared though, his brow drew together, and his eyes took on a strange look.

There was a sound suddenly and his head snapped to the side. Jemma held her breath and watched his face as he stared around the corner. He stepped back slowly, but his hand flattened over her stomach, and pushed her into the wall. She got the message, don't move.

Jemma waited nervously as he rounded the corner. She was wrong to expect the commotion from his direction. Someone grabbed her arm and jabbed the barrel of a gun into her side. She screamed. 

Jemma barely saw Bucky spin around and fire a shot. The body behind her, who she never even got a good luck at, slumped to the ground. Jemma turned and looked down in shock, still not even really having realized that someone had pointed a gun at her, let alone been killed by Bucky. Normally her brain worked fast, but not fast enough to keep up with Bucky's trigger finger.

"This isn't a deception, I'm not trying to kill you."

Jemma turned her head up to face Bucky, this time lacking the energy to hate him. Instead she felt only pain. Pain for her own tainted trust, and now a sliver for the man in front of her, because if he was telling the truth....then he'd have a terrible time earning trust from anyone. "He saved my life too," she said referring to Ward, and was shocked to realize that her tone was almost sad. 

Bucky opened his mouth, but nothing came out and then he shut it again, and Jemma found she desperately wanted to know what he had to say. 

With a glance at the body she looked back up at him. "Thank you," she said softly, because he had saved her life, and he at least deserved her thanks. She still didn't trust him, but a ‘tahnk you’ wouldn't hurt, and if he was telling the truth....

He nodded. "Let's go."

Jemma followed close behind him as he led her back to the bus.  
\------

"You okay?"

Jemma looked up from her work to see Agent Coulson in her lab. "Yes, sir. Alive and in one piece." She smiled, even thought underneath the surface she was still troubled by her experience with Bucky.

"I'm glad," he said and smiled warmly, his words genuine. "It's a good thing he volunteered to be assigned to you."

Jemma stared at him. Agent Coulson said something she didn't really hear, then turned to leave. "Sir," she said quickly and took a couple of steps closer. He stopped and turned. "What do you mean he volunteered?"

"I was going to send someone else with you, but he volunteered. Claimed if anyone was going to keep you alive it was him."

This time when Agent Coulson walked off Jemma just stared. There was nothing to say or do. 

Jemma still told herself he was terrible person, that he couldn’t be trusted. yet when she saw him she didn't look at him hatefully, she averted his eyes, because he always found hers first.


End file.
